beautiful sorta: ponderings and adventures

Blogging fail.

2009-05-15T04:44:00.000-07:00

It just occured to me that part of the reason I am so terrible at keeping at my own blog is that I'm busy following the blogs of others. Almost every morning, I get out of bed at least two hours before I have to leave the house. The first hour is spent sipping coffee, usually while wrapped in a blanket, poking around the internet. The majority of my bookmarks that I check daily (or even multiple times daily) are design and "pretty things" blogs. Anything that's not actually interior design, I classify as "pretty things". Recipes, photography, images of flowers and teacups on sunny tables, etc. So, I'm too busy admiring to create right now. I'll get there. In the meantime, some of my current favourites:

http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/

http://www.designspongeonline.com/

http://www.desiretoinspire.blogspot.com/

http://absolutelynotmartha.blogspot.com/

http://heart-of-light.blogspot.com/

http://www.youaremyfave.com/

Please enjoy with sun streaming through your window, music playing unobtrusively in the background, and your hot beverage of choice in your favourite mug.

2009-04-09T07:40:00.001-07:00

No longer being a student has caused me to completely lose track of time. Everytime I think about what day it is, my first guess is always wrong. Apparently, I am also confused as to what month I'm existing in.
The other night, I decided life called for red wine (life calls for red wine VERY often - demanding, really). I toddled on up to the liquor store and bought my uber-classy $9.45 bottle of screw-top Frontera merlot. (Hey, desperate times.) While I was next door to Sobey's, I figured I would pick up a couple of quick items. I grabbed a can of chickpeas and a can of tomato sauce, which I later combined with baby spinach to make a delicious supper. I also picked up a container of cream cheese, which I was delighted to find on sale. An obsessive expiry date-checker, I assessed that I had loads of time to go through said cream cheese.
The next morning, I had in the shower a rare moment of time-awareness, and recalled the date on the cream cheese I had just purchased (but not yet opened). I then swore out loud, because I realized that the date in question was March 27. Upon finishing my shower, I double-checked. Yes, indeed, my cream cheese had been expired for a week and a half.
Good thing it was on sale.

2009-03-25T06:51:00.000-07:00

My younger sister messaged me this morning, saying hello and then, "I've been haunting facebook and such for about two hours, assuming you'd be having a hard morning."
What a beautiful person.

2009-03-09T04:29:00.000-07:00

As a Haligonian living in St. John's, two things I can't get used to are:

"CB" means Cornerbrook, not Cape Breton.

The "West coast" means the West coast of Newfoundland, not British Columbia.

Reasons why March beats the pants off of February.

2009-03-03T08:20:00.000-08:00

1. Sidewalks! As of today, at least where I've been, there's more clear sidewalk than not. There are some stubborn ice patches, but most times of day, it's no big deal to dart off the sidewalk for a moment to get around them.

2. Warmth and sunshine! For the majority of January and February, I had the heat cranked and had to rock all of the winter gear even for a quick trip outside. In the last week, I have worn my winter coat MAYBE three times, and my hat just a couple times more (it keeps my hair out of my eyes). I am aware that half of "the last week" fell in February, but the three snowstorms in the preceding week robbed said month of any claim on decent weather.

3. Grant! Boy returns for a week (hopefully), and sooner than expected. Possibly even in time for St. Patrick's Day. February was grossly Grant-less.

4. St. Patrick's Day! When I celebrate the part of my heritage that most endorses being drunk a great deal of the time.

5. The final month of classes for my friends who are still slaving away at their undergraduate degrees. The end of classes and exams shortly thereafter means more time with my beauties!

Social interaction for the win.

2009-03-01T15:32:00.000-08:00

Having just come from a lovely supper at the Bagel Cafe with Maggie, I am pondering friendships and the many types of which I've been a part. Over my time in St. John's, I have found an almost unfair (to others) number of amazing friends. Never before have I felt so at ease around so many people. I realize that one element of this is reaching adulthood, but I know that it's not the only one.
I think of the friendships that my mother has. The ones that have lasted decades despite the fact that contact only happens a few times a year, at most. Yet, she sits down with these people over a bottle of wine and they talk for hours about everything under the sun. This is how I am with Maggie, and many others. Whether we see each other every second day or once a month our conversations are a beautiful mess of segues and tangents and forgetting where we began.

I'm a twelve-year-old boy.

2009-02-11T05:59:00.000-08:00

This chick has a paper route. Georgestown, here I come.
I joked to Grant the other day after I had sent the first email inquiring about the routes that I have reverted to job options normally reserved for elementary school aged children. Yesterday, both Jonny and Joey called me a twelve-year-old boy. And I am taking over a route that was left open by, you guessed it, a twelve-year-old boy. Life is cute, and some stereotypes are true.

Effort at regular blogging # 496

2009-02-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

I've said it before, but now I have no excuse. I am no longer in school (whoa) and right now I'm only technically employed (no shifts). I've started thinking in blog entries again, which is a little bit odd, but anything that gets me thinking and writing is worthwhile. More productive, certainly, than thinking in Facebook status updates, which I also do.

I've had so many ideas to write about that getting started has become unnecessarily daunting, so I'm going to start small. In the initial entry of what will become a regular exercise, I will deal with a couple of things that I encountered on the internet this morning as I leisurely consumed my lifeforces (coffee and eggs).

Let's get the dumbest one out of the way first. I didn't want to dignify this ridiculous business with any sort of acknowledgement, but at the risk of a messy verbal explosion at an inconvenient time, here it is. Celebrity gossip is absolutely silly, but this Jessica Simpson thing is getting out of hand. My issue is not with the amount that it's been discussed - apparently Barack Obama commented? I don't want to know - but that it's so ludicrous to begin with. I've seen the pictures that spawned the whole damn thing, and the woman is not overweight!! This is fucking nuts. I know that our culture has a horribly skewed sense of health and beauty, but this has reached a new low. She has hips and tits. She does not look unhealthy, and would not turn heads as plump if she wasn't being compared to images of her former skeletal self. The fact that she had to give in to that pressure to become successful in the first place is upsetting, but she is to be commended on now portraying how a woman is supposed to be shaped. From everything else I've heard about Jessica Simpson, she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but good on her for this. Now she'll not be famous, of course, and won't make as powerful an example. Fucking hell.

The rest of this post will be less angry, promise.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2009/feb/05/ebooks-ethical-living

This article was the best defense of these gadgets that I've heard. I appreciated it because the author began by expressing sentiments that I share, especially that "the mere presence of a large number of books induces a profound sense of wellbeing." Absolutely. My living space would have no soul without my stuffed bookcase.
Despite our similarities in views of physical books, I can't get on board with her. She claims to love the tactile experience of reading a book, yet can so easily move to holding a single piece of technology, virtually turning pages and marking notes in the margins with a stylus. Perhaps this is just my aversion to technology. As much as I depend on it, I hate it. It's complex, and goes apeshit at crucial times. I spend money on newspapers because I find reading them online infuriating. I will read every last word in a printed paper, just to extend the activity, where I give up on virtual ones within about ten minutes. Computers are too sterile, too cold. There's no soul in a computer. Yes, the words are the same, but the words are not the whole deal. When I have finished reading a book once, it looks like it has been through battle. I'm talking creased or broken spine, beat up and dog-eared corners, coffee stains, etc. Not to mention brackets, stars, and notes. After several reads, the book becomes even more beautiful because all of these things have been repeated.
From a book design perspective, the fact that the words are the same holds little weight. The presentation of text is of the utmost importance. I think a lot of people would take issue with her assertion that it doesn't matter.
That being said, I think she presented a good argument. She acknowledges that there is an environmental impact from this technology as well as from paper books, something I think has been largely ignored in this debate. I just don't want to give up my books.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/feb/05/michael-rosen-english

I stumbled upon this and it struck me. Anyone who knows me is aware that for someone who never wants to procreate, I have some pretty strong opinions on parenting. I am continually amazed at how little people read, because they've never developed the habit. The entire time I was growing up, I had my head in a book. Before I could read, I memorized from my parents' reading. Despite the failures of my education system, reading is how I managed to develop any grasp of the English language. Kids need to read. Giving grammar lessons when the concepts are not being understood on an active level is pointless. Michael Rosen claims that the issue is that kids are being taught to read, but not to enjoy, books. I think that in a lot of cases they're not being taught either, but I also think that the two go hand in hand. If kids are exposed to reading, and are put in positions where they have to, they will learn to enjoy. If for no other reason than they'll actually know what's going on.

Here it is!

2009-01-25T16:21:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, this post would have been a work of fiction. Not the sentiments, but the...announcement.

I am moving back to Halifax.

Not right away. My timing will be similar to that of my intended escape to Vancouver. I am moving back to Halifax because of my family. Nothing new has happened. There's no emergency that has prompted me to change my destination so drastically. I'm just very fond of them, is all. The distance between St. John's and Halifax has been difficult enough. It's not that I don't think I can handle living in Vancouver. I know I can, and this idea is what makes me comfortable with not going now. I may still make the drastic move to the West coast. I just won't do it yet.

My basic reasoning for ignoring Halifax as an option these last two years has been the emotional baggage. There's a challenge to living in the town/city where you were raised, especially when you have had a chance to move so far beyond it. I have thought that no matter the positive aspects of living in Halifax, I would not be able to stay happy with all of that weighing on me.

I don't doubt that I will have moments, especially when I have reason to go back to Bedford on occasion. My mother still lives there. Until I can convince her to get the fuck out, that will be a reality. But, for the most part, I will keep my existence in the city of Halifax. And it really is a fine city.

Once I started considering the ups to being close to my family again, I got very excited. I have arranged with my younger sister to live together. Her current lease expires the end of June, so that will dictate the timing of my move somewhat. We have already started looking for apartments, hoping to find something with character in the North or South end (she goes to Dal).

The emotional baggage seems so minor now. I am already getting giddy about living with my sister, being half an hour away from my mother, mere hours away from my father in PEI, spending silly times with my best friend since childhood, having access to delicious and diverse food choices, possibly taking continuing studies at NSCAD, and generally taking in Halifax in a way I couldn't before - through being there by choice, rather than by default.

My only real concern is what I'm going to drink when I can no longer get my hands on Black Horse.

I can has Our Lady Peace concert every night?

2008-09-13T06:09:00.000-07:00

Because I want to continue living in the beauty that was last night, I'll rock a blog post about the concert. The illusion will be forced off within an hour and a half, when I get to put on my hot uniform and go to work. Rest assured, this entry bracelet ain't coming off for a few days.

The MUN Students' Union, as a part of orientation, brought OLP to St. John's. The band is not currently touring, per se...they did mention being in Sydney, NS the night before, but I'm not sure what that's about. So, last night I saw what I am once again comfortable in calling my 'favourite band ever' in concert for the fourth time in nine years. Zack beat that with five times in ten years. (I say beat now, because it's unlikely I'll catch them in the next year while still on the east coast.)
Despite being an event theoretically catered to the frosh set, the band did not disappoint the people over 18 years of age. They opened with Naveed and Superman's Dead, and, for their encore, did 4 a.m., Supersatellite, and Starseed. The whole "Raine gets into the crowd and lets the audience sing most of 4 a.m." thing doesn't ever get old. The energy is fucking incredible, and if the entire crowd is going to know every fucking word to one song, I'm okay with 4 a.m. being that song.
Now for a little bitching, because it's me. Not bitching about the band - I don't think I could say anything bad about the performance. But, yeah. Holy fucking teenyboppers, Batman! Firstly, I don't understand people who pay $40-$50 for a concert ticket, only to spend the whole time competely focused on getting more beer. Secondly, why why why were there so many stupid girls wearing tit shirts, stilettos, and big purses down on the floor up by the stage? They were distracting, with their constant schtick of "ooh, take a picture of us posing like this!" You can do that at Lottie's, sweetie, and that way you don't have to risk me taking you out by kicking you in the back of the knees. Also, stupid cunts constantly weeding through the crowd - just stop, stand, and rock the fuck out. If you're that focused on your placement in relation to the stage or the bar or your ugly girlfriend, then you're not getting the experience. You all have newfuckingfangled cellphones. If you lose them, call them after the show.
I have never felt as old as I did last night. Or simply intelligent. Not sure. I went for a rock show. I think most of the people there went for something different to do on a Friday night. (Again, just go back to Lottie's.)
Despite the idiots around me (I did get in a punch for some guy elbowing me in the neck while waving furiously to his friend), it was still a goddamn wicked show. My boys haven't disappointed me yet. Also, Raine Maida has hit his attractiveness prime (and if this isn't his prime, I won't be able to handle it when it comes along). There is no part of that man I would not lick. Oh, my. Must.go.distract.self.

2008-07-08T19:58:00.000-07:00

I am rarely as satisfied with my life as I am after I have spent time conversing and drinking with fellow English nerds. We had our second reading group tonight, and I am so fulfilled after discussing anything and everything with people who share my passion(s).

Sunny Inspiration

2008-06-05T11:27:00.001-07:00

I had no idea how long it had been since I last posted. Since then, I have survived (albeit barely) another exam period...complete with a renewed caffeine addiction that I am now fighting (two weeks and two days "clean"). The weather today was almost as nice as it seemed to be the last two days when I was stuck inside at work, slinging Greek food. The temperatures are supposed to drop again starting tomorrow, which is depressing, but I'm trying to be patient.
This afternoon I went to The Sprout with Jonny, Lacey, and Connor, and then the crowd minus Connor headed up Pleasant Street to grab Hannah's bike for Lacey. As was predicted/feared, the bike is not there. Plan B is now being brainstormed.
Two weeks from today, my fabulous Mama will be in St. John's. I cannot express my excitement, as she is one of my favourite people ever and I look forward to showing her how well I am doing here. Right now, all we have planned is India Gate lunch buffet on the Friday, as per her request. Hopefully the weather cooperates for some adventuring.
While she's here, she's going to help me pick paint colours for my apartment (she is truly the master). Now that I'm going to be staying here for a bit, I want to perk the place up. It is currently painted the most heinous colour of pale pink known to humankind. I'm trying to keep the new colour fairly tame (so I don't have to repaint when I move out), despite my love for intensity (my bedroom in her house is deep blue), so I'm thinking a funky, but not too bright, green. Today I had the idea to paint the window and door frames bright orange. That way, if my landlord has a spaz attack and wants me to repaint them, it's a smaller job than all of the walls. I think I'm also going to repaint my countertop (it's chipped and shitty anyway) because it's forest green...and forest green is just ugly.
I've been pretty geezerly lately (it's hard not to give in to the coffee), but I'm hoping more energy will come with more sunshine. This weekend should be nice...I'm hoping to hit up a show tomorrow night, and on Saturday, Lockett's having a bunch of us over to celebrate having graduated...apparently, I am a graduate by association! I predict (and hope for) a circus-like evening.
Last weekend, I went to see the Sex and the City movie with a few of my girlyfriends. We drank wine beforehand and participated in the stampede into the theatre. (The latter experience would have been disturbing if not for the laughter as everyone realized how silly we are.) The five of us really enjoyed the movie...it's getting shit reviews, but I'm not sure what people go in expecting. It's a fun, often somewhat intelligent look at womanhood. It's full of cliches, but so is life...if I walk out of it feeling okay about being a woman (and a single one, at that!), then I've gotten my money's worth. I also purchased Vogue for the first time in my life because of the super hot photo shoot of Chris Noth and Sarah Jessica Parker. (I now want a Chris Noth/Mr. Big of my very own...I'm just saying, he looks damn good without a shirt for a guy his age.)
I ordered ELEVEN new books from Chapters last week, and all but one of them have arrived. I'm hoping that it's still coming and that it wasn't stolen off of my doorstep. I need to start On The Road first, because our reading group is discussing it in a week and a half...but after that, I have plenty more to enjoy!
Now, I think it's time for a snack of strawberries and chocolate dip.

Easter Sunday Enlightenment

2008-03-23T13:01:00.001-07:00

Because of the chokehold Christianity holds on my part of the world (and because of the less-than-inspiring weather), I am basically stuck inside today. This is just fine on one hand, as Sundays are usually fairly laid back for me, but on the other hand, my body is crying for veggies and I have nowhere to get them. Alas, I have made do with frozen stirfry mix and applesauce until tomorrow. I've spent the day bumming around, with breaks for showering and dishwashing (the second time in four days...I think I'm possessed). So as I listened/sang loudly along to my new-ish Nada Surf cd (check it out, 'tis good pop music), I had a number of thoughts/minor epiphanies/new goals enter my mind. One of my favourite things about busy work is the opportunity it gives me to ponder anything I want. I used to seek this thinking time through shovelling and mowing the lawn, when I still lived with my Mom. Well, the lawn-mowing ended long before I no longer had a lawn to mow because my arachnophobia took over full force and nature and I, no matter if it was my Mom's yard in the middle of the suburbs, parted ways. Shovelling was still safe, but I now live right on the sidewalk...so not a lot of that happens either these days. I now find this time through intensive cleaning (which I do quite infrequently), or mindless tasks like dishes (something I'm trying to attack *more* frequently).
I hate the idea of resolutions for the sake of themselves. New Year's resolutions are a crock of shit to me, and while I chalk this up somewhat to the fact that I'm a student and thus fresh starts, if they are to happen at all, happen in September, but also because trying to find something "wrong" with your life and then arbitrarily trying to attack it is pretty much destined to fail. However, if you just happen upon something you'd like to improve through lots of thought or certain situations you find yourself in, go for it. So, on that note, here are my epiphanies of the afternoon:

Since I've already brought up the arachnophobia thing, I'll begin with it. I really need to get over it. No, for those of you not afraid of spiders to this degree, it's not as easy as remembering that the ones we encounter in these parts are not dangerous. My fear has no rational basis. I shit you not; I personally think this is a past life thing. That's how random this fear is. Now, I don't enjoy playing with any bugs nor do I enjoy living with them, but the spider thing is on a whole other level. I find woodbugs (mostly dead ones, due to the poison sprayed around my doors) on daily basis in my apartment, and while walking on their crunchy carcasses makes me puke in my mouth a little, I don't have breakdowns the way I do when I encounter a spider the size of a crumb. (I had a full-on panic attack complete with crying after watching a tarantula crawl on a person's hand on my 13 inch tv from across the room. Yeah.) I'm getting pretty worked up even thinking about this stuff, but I really do need to figure it out. I find myself imagining things I want to do and then concluding that I could never actually do them because there's a likelihood or even just a chance I would have to deal with spiders. By the way, if anyone has any tips to give me about this dilemma, feel free to share them...all I've come up with is hypnosis.

Now, getting past the spider rant and moving on...I need to eat better. I have a few minor health issues that make it very easy for me to feel like absolute hell if I'm not careful. Also, I don't want to end up with scurvy. I have gotten away from eating even a minimal amount of fruits and veggies, basically living off of carbs, and it's not flying anymore. I find fruit a tricky thing because the sugar content fucks me up a little, but I have a crazy fondness for certain veggies (oh, spinach...)and I need to attack them hardcore. I want to find wicked veggie recipes (I generally don't eat meat at home)...the more curry, the better. Summer weather also brings on the craving for veggies, so that could show up anytime too.

I want to ride my bike this summer. I have a freakin' wicked, bright red, really decent bike and it has spent the last year and a half (with the exception of ONE outing) in my puny little hallway outside my bathroom. That first escapade led to numerous scratches and dents on both my furniture *and* me from trying to get it out the door, and it was fairly discouraging. So, whenever the weather gets agreeable enough that I don't have to have my furniture arranged around my heater, I will be taking the bicycle into account and finding a place to leave it in the main part of the room. No more excuses.

I'm going to start assessing which of my possessions I want to have with me all the time, which ones I really don't need at all, and which ones I need to just store somewhere (as in sentimental whathaveyous that you never ever use or look at, but don't want to get rid of totally). This is becoming more of a thought as I ponder what my next adventure will be. I'll be finished my degree at MUN by next Christmas and the current options include England and Vancouver. I really need to lighten the load.

I'm going to (TRY to) stop just wasting away days procrastinating. Sometimes schoolwork just isn't going to happen, but I have to recognize that and do something else with the day. This thought has been developing gradually lately, and I fully embraced it on Thursday when I didn't open one book, but instead cleaned my whole apartment AND started my shift two hours early. If I'm not feeling the schoolwork (as long as I don't have something extremely pressing), I should do other things around my apartment, go for a walk, run errands, meet up with friends, etc.

There was more in my head, but my fingers are getting a little tired (my Mom *tried* to teach me how to type properly...). This post is epic anyway, but I had to make up for two and a half months of blogging inactivity! Hopefully I can get better at this too. :)

Winding down...

2008-01-07T19:12:00.000-08:00

So I would really like to go to bed, but my body is not accustomed to sleep before one o'clock, if not later, so I'll blow some time on here.
Today was the first day of the winter semester, and the beginning of my eighth university semester (not counting intersession last spring when I took only one course). I'm a little freaked that if it were not for my penchant to drop a class or two and refusal to take five courses at once, I would be finished my degree at the end of this term. As things actually are, I should be done by next Christmas. This is also fucked.
I am taking this term three classes on campus and one of two I am currently registered for by distance. We have English 4080, Postmodern British Literature (!!!); Classics 1121, Elementary Latin II; English 4251, American Literature to 1880; and either Religious Studies 2350, Religious Institutions; or Religious Studies 2610, Introduction to Religious Ethics. The distance education thing seems very complex to me and I don't have the energy to figure it out yet. The on-campus courses seem promising...slash necessary. I'm hoping my enthusiasm for Latin comes back...it's been seven months since I even looked at this crap and it's all a little fuzzy. The English courses should be all kinds of wicked. 4080 is the second part of a course I took in the fall (the modernist literature one). This course last term was what changed my mind about fourth year seminars. I have completed all I need for my major, but this class was so rewarding I decided to take another one for kicks. It's the same prof, same format...I know exactly what to expect. There are four or so of us who took the other one, and we're considered wise. 4251 is going to be an insane amount of work, but mercifully does not require any presentations. I also get to experience the legend that is Andrew Loman before I leave MUN. I already had a very good impression of him from the two weeks I spent in Graphic Novels (the dropping of that course had nothing to do with HIS teaching...), and after today's class, my opinion remains positive. I really can't say enough good things about the majority of the English department at MUN. I transferred to MUN focusing more on the History offerings, and it's nice that despite the fact that the History department has disappointed me over and over again, the English department has really come through. It was worth the move to this crazy island just to get something fulfilling out of the second half of my degree.
I'm actually kind of sleepy now, so I'm going to go with it and move to the right into my wonderful bed.

A new coat, a new blog.

2008-01-02T09:10:00.000-08:00

I have been pondering creating a new blog for some time but, like a new email address, it took me awhile to get at it. As my livejournal account that I started roughly two years ago is named "paddington_coat" for my lovely red winter coat, I figured that the acquisition of a new coat last week was the exact push I needed to get at this. Mind you, I don't have much to say at this moment. Hopefully this will come with actually leaving the house and rejoining the outside world over the next few days.