Easter Sunday Enlightenment

Because of the chokehold Christianity holds on my part of the world (and because of the less-than-inspiring weather), I am basically stuck inside today. This is just fine on one hand, as Sundays are usually fairly laid back for me, but on the other hand, my body is crying for veggies and I have nowhere to get them. Alas, I have made do with frozen stirfry mix and applesauce until tomorrow. I've spent the day bumming around, with breaks for showering and dishwashing (the second time in four days...I think I'm possessed). So as I listened/sang loudly along to my new-ish Nada Surf cd (check it out, 'tis good pop music), I had a number of thoughts/minor epiphanies/new goals enter my mind. One of my favourite things about busy work is the opportunity it gives me to ponder anything I want. I used to seek this thinking time through shovelling and mowing the lawn, when I still lived with my Mom. Well, the lawn-mowing ended long before I no longer had a lawn to mow because my arachnophobia took over full force and nature and I, no matter if it was my Mom's yard in the middle of the suburbs, parted ways. Shovelling was still safe, but I now live right on the sidewalk...so not a lot of that happens either these days. I now find this time through intensive cleaning (which I do quite infrequently), or mindless tasks like dishes (something I'm trying to attack *more* frequently).
I hate the idea of resolutions for the sake of themselves. New Year's resolutions are a crock of shit to me, and while I chalk this up somewhat to the fact that I'm a student and thus fresh starts, if they are to happen at all, happen in September, but also because trying to find something "wrong" with your life and then arbitrarily trying to attack it is pretty much destined to fail. However, if you just happen upon something you'd like to improve through lots of thought or certain situations you find yourself in, go for it. So, on that note, here are my epiphanies of the afternoon:

Since I've already brought up the arachnophobia thing, I'll begin with it. I really need to get over it. No, for those of you not afraid of spiders to this degree, it's not as easy as remembering that the ones we encounter in these parts are not dangerous. My fear has no rational basis. I shit you not; I personally think this is a past life thing. That's how random this fear is. Now, I don't enjoy playing with any bugs nor do I enjoy living with them, but the spider thing is on a whole other level. I find woodbugs (mostly dead ones, due to the poison sprayed around my doors) on daily basis in my apartment, and while walking on their crunchy carcasses makes me puke in my mouth a little, I don't have breakdowns the way I do when I encounter a spider the size of a crumb. (I had a full-on panic attack complete with crying after watching a tarantula crawl on a person's hand on my 13 inch tv from across the room. Yeah.) I'm getting pretty worked up even thinking about this stuff, but I really do need to figure it out. I find myself imagining things I want to do and then concluding that I could never actually do them because there's a likelihood or even just a chance I would have to deal with spiders. By the way, if anyone has any tips to give me about this dilemma, feel free to share them...all I've come up with is hypnosis.

Now, getting past the spider rant and moving on...I need to eat better. I have a few minor health issues that make it very easy for me to feel like absolute hell if I'm not careful. Also, I don't want to end up with scurvy. I have gotten away from eating even a minimal amount of fruits and veggies, basically living off of carbs, and it's not flying anymore. I find fruit a tricky thing because the sugar content fucks me up a little, but I have a crazy fondness for certain veggies (oh, spinach...)and I need to attack them hardcore. I want to find wicked veggie recipes (I generally don't eat meat at home)...the more curry, the better. Summer weather also brings on the craving for veggies, so that could show up anytime too.

I want to ride my bike this summer. I have a freakin' wicked, bright red, really decent bike and it has spent the last year and a half (with the exception of ONE outing) in my puny little hallway outside my bathroom. That first escapade led to numerous scratches and dents on both my furniture *and* me from trying to get it out the door, and it was fairly discouraging. So, whenever the weather gets agreeable enough that I don't have to have my furniture arranged around my heater, I will be taking the bicycle into account and finding a place to leave it in the main part of the room. No more excuses.

I'm going to start assessing which of my possessions I want to have with me all the time, which ones I really don't need at all, and which ones I need to just store somewhere (as in sentimental whathaveyous that you never ever use or look at, but don't want to get rid of totally). This is becoming more of a thought as I ponder what my next adventure will be. I'll be finished my degree at MUN by next Christmas and the current options include England and Vancouver. I really need to lighten the load.

I'm going to (TRY to) stop just wasting away days procrastinating. Sometimes schoolwork just isn't going to happen, but I have to recognize that and do something else with the day. This thought has been developing gradually lately, and I fully embraced it on Thursday when I didn't open one book, but instead cleaned my whole apartment AND started my shift two hours early. If I'm not feeling the schoolwork (as long as I don't have something extremely pressing), I should do other things around my apartment, go for a walk, run errands, meet up with friends, etc.

There was more in my head, but my fingers are getting a little tired (my Mom *tried* to teach me how to type properly...). This post is epic anyway, but I had to make up for two and a half months of blogging inactivity! Hopefully I can get better at this too. :)